Coaching for Widows

There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go. ~Author Unknown

So here you are. Your life has been altered and you have been carried against your will from one state to another; the state of widowhood. Everything has been turned inside out and upside down. “Yesterday I was a wife, today I am a widow.” After taking some time to grieve, survive, and get your bearings it will be time to think about the next step of change. You may be stuck, in denial, or resistant; however, doing nothing is a decision by default. If you don't create change, change will create you. All of us can resolve to initiate change rather than becoming the victim of change. You may feel like C.S. Lewis, “No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.” It has also been said that the key to change is to let go of fear; however, that is easier said than done when every aspect of your life has been changed overnight. For widows, the key to success and a hopeful and intentional future is their ability to adapt. This takes time and is not the first step in the healing process of grief after losing a life partner. This type of change only happens when a person can see the next step. The future may seem overwhelming. If so don’t look at the clouds, look at the path and your feet and take the next step--one at a time. After all, life is always changing, but learning and growing from it is optional so all of us need to choose our next steps wisely. President John F. Kennedy said, “Change is the law of life and those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.” As it has often been quoted, “Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.”
If you are looking for coaching and guidance during your journey, you’ve come to the right place. Dr. Dan has been walking with widows for over 35 years, helping them through the stages, phases and tasks of rebuilding their lives, finding themselves again and rediscovering their strengths, talents, and finding their future. He helps widows walk through the grief work through help for today and hope for tomorrow. He coaches them through the difficult times until hope peers through the clouds and gray fog, until one day life slowly changes from black and white to color again. By coaching them through their grief work widows become some of the most caring, compassionate, understanding, strong and faith filled women. They discover new strength, confidence, and gifts in themselves as they seek to find and live out their purpose. They also gain a new fresh perspective on life and Scripture.
You may be experiencing disconnection after the loss of your husband. This may include disconnection from your relationship as wife and disconnection inside of yourself. You may be feeling like, he died, and the person I was died too. Some women who call me for coaching are experiencing this as well as some of the following symptoms of mourning their husbands. If you find yourself experiencing some of these symptoms, please give me a call. You do not need to mourn your loss in silence.

1. If your relationships, attachments, and community changes. “Nobody gets what I am going through,” You don’t know where you are and feel lost. In response you are tending to isolate.
2. Who am I? Struggling with your view of self. “I am no longer a wife and partner and this leads to a crisis in relationship and self.”
3. You are experiencing an existential crisis or a crisis of being through the abrupt shock. “I switched into a survival mode with skin that was inside out.” “So, I put on my invincible cape.”
4. If your experience of loss brings with it issues of safety and trust.
5. You may experience a loss of autonomy (or an increase in autonomy over time) as so many potential issues dictate your time.
6. You may experience guilt, inferiority (loss of competence and initiative) as you seek to regroup.
7. You may be experiencing loss of connection between you and your community that may include a crisis of faith as you pull inward.
8. If you are depressed, angry or feeling guilt and experiencing disrupted relationships in your grief process.
9. You may experience difficulty regulating your emotions and oscillating between uncontrolled expressions and remorse.
10. Some vacillation in relationships between withdrawal and being clingy.
11. If you are losing trust in yourself, in others and questioning your faith or trusting too much.
12. If you are isolating due to fear of inadequacy, the reality of facing others, and facing the reality of the pain.

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Click on the links below to find out more:

» Moving Through Grief and Loss
» Encouraging Your Child to Grieve
» "Walking with Widows" Support Groups