Walking with Widows

May God be the way maker (Deuteronomy 31:8)

I'm so sorry for the loss of your life partner. You are reading this because you are hurting and trying to make sense out of something that seems senseless and overwhelming-widowhood. You are reading this alone, with a flood of thoughts, memories and emotions. Please accept my sincere condolences and anticipation that this web site and the services I offer will guide you along a path to further healing and hope in the hours, days, and weeks ahead. May God be the way maker (Deuteronomy 31:8).

This process is no less than one of the biggest if not the biggest trauma you have ever experienced. The demographics are still surprising to me-800,000 new widows in the U.S. every year. Within the first month you will or have gone through beginning stages of shock and disbelief. You are experiencing every emotion you could imagine. You body and brain may not be functioning well. You cannot envision a "future and a hope" (Jeremiah 29:11). Every day is like slogging through deep mud as you try to put one foot in front of the other. Although every one experiences grief and healing differently, for those of you who are past the first month, you are still in a similar place; however, beginning to slowly enter the new identity of widowhood. This process can take several years to grieve, learn, and grow. It is a process where there will be many hills and valleys. It has been reported that a widow will also loose 75% of her current friend's after her husband's death. So here you are struggling to cope with the deep loss of your husband and many of your friends and support system also changes.

I don't believe that grief ever leaves, although it does diminish in intensity over time only to rear up again when triggered. Along this journey there are many feelings to feel, many aspects of new development and identity to be experienced, and many new relationships that will be established. However, as with anything in life it is always best to seek understanding and have a map for the journey so you will not get lost, sidetracked, or become too afraid and settle for a different destination than the one God has for you. So what are the issues you are or will be experiencing? I realize some of you may want to avoid this journey or think you are already prepared to cope with your deep loss; however, please take a moment and go over the following information I have prepared for you.

The stories were all different, but came from similar painful wounds. My husband died of cancer, or he had a massive heart attack, or I should have seen it coming, but he killed himself. Some reported that he was killed in an accident. Others that he was killed in action either in the line of duty protecting our Country's freedom or protecting our cities from crime or fire. Each story is special, each lost loved one cherished. So here we were as a group talking about their stories, their fears, lost hopes, dreams and loves. And if their tears and painful and joyful memories were not enough as they recounted their husband's deaths and how they themselves would survive, there was always the concern in the back of their minds for how their children and grandchildren would thrive. How were they coping and how would this loss affect their lives. So time was needed for sharing. It started slowly as a few women talked of their stories. Then as we all connected, the stories flowed intermingled with emotion. It was beginning to feel safe. As the evening progressed we all listened, cried, and laughed a little. None in the group had ever experienced meeting with a group of widows before. The stories were different, but they were all women struggling with their lives as widows. A growing comfort level emerged as widows were empathizing with widows and embarking on a new journey of connection. Tears welled up as each was taken back to painful memories previously suppressed in public through a survivalist demeanor. After all, they only had themselves to rely on and could only express their feelings at night during lonely moments when the kids were in bed and they could slow down enough to feel and /or cry themselves to sleep. So the group bonded out of common pain. This was the beginning of our 10 week journey; a group process consisting with the facilitation of information, caring, and empathy with a full range of feelings, memories, and questions. All of it in a safe place created by a common experience as widow reached out to widow. It is a privilege and honor for me to facilitate these groups whether it is in person or through group telecoaching. This is the process I have come to call "Walking with Widows."

I hope the materials you find here will help you and be used by God some way toward your further healing. Whether you live in Denver and want to become a member of one of our groups or you would like to become a group member in one of our telecoaching widow groups, call me today for more information. Before you decide, please take a moment and read about the experiences of members of our past groups. May God guide you as you seek His healing, comfort, and provision. May He bless you as you write the next chapter in your life.

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Widow's Symptom Scale

This questionnaire/self-report includes a list of the problems that widows sometimes have after experiencing the traumatic event of losing their life partner.
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Identifying Your Feelings

This is a checklist-based exercise that will help you identity immediate and significant feelings and concerns regarding your loss as well as providing important information in clarifying your feelings as you walk through your grief.
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A Biblical Guide to Counsel and Comfort Regarding Death and Loss

This booklet refers you to Scripture verses directly related to death and loss.
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Dealing with Stress and Trauma

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Helping Children and Adolescents Cope with Grief and Trauma

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Click on the links below to find out more:

» Moving Through Grief and Loss
» Encouraging Your Child to Grieve
» Coaching for Widows
» "Walking with Widows" Support Groups